Wonder Woman Is A Genius

First off, Wonder Woman looks FIERCE, and while her ensemble does have a certain sex-appeal, it also communicates that she is highly professional. She’s got business to do and she will be doing it. There’s no room for monkey business in that get-up. Simple. Striking. Sleek. Smart. Classic. Dare I say patriot inspired?. **As a reminder, WW straight-up wears a one-piece bathing suit and tall RED boots accentuated by a tiara, gold, and stars. This is her simple, hanging out, fighting crime, everyday attire.

How does she make something so over-the-top seem so suitable?
Two plain and simple reasons: confidence and nice legs. Legit.

Confidence is always the key to any risky choice. If you believe it, so will everyone else. It must be sold. And not overly-so. The over-sell leaks that you are not really all that comfortable or confident with yourself and your choices.

Now the legs, those are simply an Hermes-given (the god, not the brand) advantage. An awesome advantage because a pair of porky pegs really could’ve killed the whole Wonder Woman deal. It would be hard to take someone seriously if she’s wearing a red and blue strapless swimsuit with gold fireworks accentuating her bosom and red cha-cha boots while her featured thighs look like chewed-up bubble gum. You would wonder, “Does this girl not have ANY judgement? Does she not look in the mirror prior to take-off? Can’t she find a sarong or some wedges?” With nice, shapely, strong legs, a person feels more at ease when the woman of wonder is in charge. We already know she is courageous, daring, and keenly aware of her strengths simply based on wardrobe choice. What more could be needed?

What really sells this outfit is that it’s not a bikini. A bikini would not be cool. It’s very impractical, especially if said bikini wasn’t made out of fur. A lady gets chilly. Also, an active woman is not going to be a wonder if she’s adjusting her bosom coverage all day long. Wonder Woman’s mind cannot be preoccupied with wardrobe malfunctions and sagging what-nots. No. It must be free to plan heroic feats. The bikini wouldn’t do. The fact that her mid-drift remains a hidden secret is total top notch. What brilliance! We already know she is classy and not a whore because she is wearing a sensible one-piece. And now she is mysterious as well. She could, quite possibly, have a 6-pack of muscles under that spandex. She may flaunt abs of steel ….. or, she just might be hiding a belly of bread dough tucked into a pair of super-powered Spanx. No one can confirm, nor deny. It’s a mystery. My kind of clever thinking Gurl, and please pass the mashed potatoes.

Well done Wonder Woman. This is why you are timeless.

The grand finale is really the main course. No other powers would be needed if she opened with that gorgeous Lasso Of Truth. GENIUS! That thing is so money I can’t even take it. It’s a flat out killer idea.

A magical truth squeazing lasso would make life so easy. I guarantee that Wonder Woman never has to make a reservation. She probably shows up, flashes her lasso and is seated promptly. Talk about a game-changer! …. Oh the threat of that dazzling golden lasso. “Don’t make me get out my rope and ask you what really went down last Saturday night.” … OK. Alright. My grandmother wasn’t a Vontrapp and I never personally knew that nun/nanny Maria. So what? Fine, I give in, yes, I still pine for my middle school principal that’s a dead ringer for Tom Colicchio. No, that’s not my real weight on my driver’s license. There. Now you know all of my inner- shame.

With a lasso of truth any average person could rule the world. Or at the very least become an Alderman.

If I were Wonder Woman, right this very instant, I would be lasso-ing the truth aaall over town! I would march right into Octopus carwash whirling that lasso demanding to know if there is any REAL difference between the basic and the platinum medallion carwash. I’d tie that ring of truth rope right around my neighbor’s neck and ask what her big fat problem is. I’d scare people into posting what they REALLY made for dinner last night, because we all know it wasn’t a quinoa and fig salad. I would be a whirling, lasso-loving, question-asking dervish!

Hand to hand combat skills are, yes, handy, I’m sure. A swimsuit with silver stars around your groin area is always a treat, obviously. An invisible plane is cool, but I mean what’s the point if no one can see you arriving in it? The bracelets I’ll keep. Those cuffs are a serious wardrobe staple and definitely could become “my thing”. Fine, fine, fine. All fine. But for me, the power and wonder, the awesomeness and envy all lie in the Lasso Of Truth. I must have one. That’s all there is to it.

Have my nonexistent pilot pull my invisible plane around, I’m off to threaten some creeps with my magical rope! … Just let me adjust my firework swimsuit first.

2017-08-04T13:05:39+00:00 August 3rd, 2017|Blog, Fashion, shopping|